In contrary to disbelief, we are taught from a young age that being selfish is a negative trait- that “Sharing is Caring.” But what if I told you that constantly putting others first can actually hold you back from living your best life? In our society, selflessness is often praised as a virtue, while selfishness is condemned as morally wrong. From childhood, we’re conditioned to prioritize the needs and desires of others above our own, believing that this is the path to being a good person. But what if this mindset is holding us back from living our best lives?
As a licensed therapist, I’ve witnessed how this relentless need to please others often stems from deep-seated beliefs about worthiness and acceptance. Countless times, people struggle with being “selfish” which often perpetuates into in a profound sense of self-neglect and emotional exhaustion. Sometimes, this limiting belief leads individuals to prioritize the happiness of others at the expense of their own well-being, trapping them in a cycle of overcommitment, resentment, and internal conflict.
One of the biggest struggles we as individuals face is letting go of this belief which has become deeply ingrained in our lives. The truth is, constantly putting others first can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and unfulfilled potential. While it’s important to be compassionate and considerate towards others, it’s equally important to prioritize our own needs and desires.
Im other words, you cannot continue “to pour from an empty cup- you need to save the first pour for you.”
In this context, I like to use term that I have coined in my years of clinical practice known as “positive selfishness” which plays a crucial role in helping you understand the importance of considering yourself at all times. With this concept, individuals begin to understand the power of including themselves first with the hopes of minimizing this self-sabotaging mindset which often leaves them overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted!
One of the key concepts of positive selfishness is to cultivate the courage to let go of people, places, and things that no longer serve a positive purpose in your life. By practicing “positive selfishness,” we prioritize self-care, set healthy boundaries, and make decisions that align with our personal values and goals without guilt and projection — UNAPOLOGETICALLY! It’s about living life on our own terms, free from the constraints of societal expectations and the fear of judgment. When we say living “unapologetically,” this clearly means recognizing and honoring our own needs, values, and boundaries without seeking validation or approval from others.
In my book “Today, I Love Me: A Self-Help Guide to Living Unapologetically by Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You,” I delve into the art of living unapologetic and embracing truth and devine authenticity. In my book, I provide practical guidance on how to navigate the process of letting go of people, places, and things that no longer serve a positive purpose in your life, empowering you to live unapologetically.
In conclusion, if you find yourself being a little more selfish or if someone guilt-trips you into thinking you’re considering yourself more, just know that prioritizing your own well-being and happiness is not selfish — it’s an essential act of self-care and self-respect. By embracing self-interest in a healthy and balanced way, we pave the way for unapologetic living, where we honor our own needs and desires without apology or guilt, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and authenticity in our lives. So, in the words of Frank Sinatra, let’s proudly declare, “I did it my way”- unapologetically!
Until next time, stay well and take care….
Zelina Chinwoh, MSW, LCSW
For more related content like this, be sure to listen to “The Dear Unapologetically Me” podcast on Apple or Spotify. Also, check out The Healing Experience Now Website with all exclusive content and our YouTube page at The Healing Experience Now.
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