How many times have you waited for the perfect job, the perfect relationship, or the perfect moment to finally feel complete? How often have you believed that happiness lies just around the corner, tied to your next achievement or milestone, like when you finish school, get married, or achieve some other significant goal?
Trust me I know this all too well myself! The perfect moment, the perfect time, the greatest opportunity, etc. I’ve come to the realization – searching, looking high and low for what I don’t even know sometimes can be mayhem!
In these moments, we often convince ourselves that we will have found the thing we’ve been searching for, only to realize that true fulfillment comes from within, but often we overlook the journey itself — the growth, the challenges, and the moments of self-discovery that shape who we become. Never really satisfying the quest of what we are really looking and searching for …
As humans, we often look outside ourselves for fulfillment due to various psychological and societal influences. We often run from our true selves because of several reasons:
Societal Pressure: Society tells us we need to be successful, wealthy, and in perfect relationships to be happy. For example, we might think, “If I get that promotion, I’ll finally be happy.”
Validation Seeking: We crave approval from others. When someone praises us for our achievements, it feels like we’re worth something. For instance, we might post on social media hoping for likes and positive comments to feel good about ourselves.
Fear of Introspection: Looking inside we can be scary. It’s easier to focus on getting a new job or buying a new car than to deal with our insecurities or past traumas.
Cultural Narratives: Movies and media often show happiness as having the perfect job, partner, and lifestyle. We see this and believe we need the same to be fulfilled.
Unresolved Insecurities: We chase achievements to cover up our own fears and doubts. For example, we might constantly strive for success to prove our worth to ourselves and others.
But the truth is, real fulfillment comes from within. No amount of external success, validation, or possessions can fill the void if we don’t understand and accept ourselves. True happiness is found by facing our fears, embracing our true selves, and appreciating our journey.
For example, let’s say “Mary” who constantly seeks promotions at work, believing that the next title will finally make them happy. She may achieve her goal but soon find that the emptiness remains. “John” who frequently posts on social media, hoping for likes and comments to feel valued. Despite the temporary boost from each notification, the feeling quickly fades. Let’s not forget “Kim and Mike” who often buys the latest gadgets or luxury items to appear successful might momentarily feel good, but the satisfaction is fleeting. This type of pursuit of happiness is draining …
True contentment comes from appreciating the simpler things in life, like spending quality time with loved ones or pursuing hobbies that bring joy- because truthfully, we are all on borrowed time.
By shifting focus inward, facing personal fears, and accepting our true selves, we can achieve lasting peace and contentment that no external achievement can provide.
So today, I ask that you consider the thing you’ve been searching for. Look within yourself, embrace your journey, and recognize that the person you’ve been seeking has been there all along. True fulfillment and lasting peace come from understanding and accepting who you truly are. So, take a moment to look within and recognize that the person you have been searching for has been there all along — waiting to be rediscovered, embraced, and celebrated.
If you find yourself struggling to find yourself, I have the perfect guide, my self help guide titled Today, I Love Me: A Self-Help Guide to Living Unapologetically by Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You. Written from my heart with great passion, this guide is designed to help you let go of what no longer serves you and step boldly into a life that reflects your true essence so that you can (re) discovery yourself and start living unapologetically…. My gift from me to you!
Until next time, stay well and take care,
Zelina Chinwoh, MSW, LCSW
For more related content like this, be sure to listen to “The Dear Unapologetically Me” podcast on Apple or Spotify. Also, check out The Healing Experience Now Website with all exclusive content and our YouTube page at The Healing Experience Now.
Disclaimer: This article is intended for educational purposes only. The information provided is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional with any questions you may have regarding your mental health or well-being.
