you could have the mother, you always dreamed of, how would she be? Would she be loving, kind, protective, providing advice, or would she be something else entirely? Many of us grew up with expectations of a nurturing and supportive maternal figure, someone who would offer comfort in times of distress and guidance in moments of uncertainty. Yet, for some, the reality of their mother’s behavior diverged sharply from these ideals. Instead of warmth, there was coldness; instead of support, there was criticism. The stark contrast between the mother we longed for and the one we received is a painful reminder of the complexities of family dynamics and the enduring impact of parental struggles on our lives.
Behind the facade of maternal “perfection” lurked a complexity of wounds and tragedies. This shattered fairytale reveals the harsh reality of growing up with a narcissistic mother. Even though it’s common, this topic is often kept secret and makes people feel ashamed. Yet, many still carry this burden alone. These struggles affect how they see themselves, their relationships, and how they feel emotionally. In this space, we will shed light on these struggles. My intention is to provide understanding, validation, and a sense of “rebirth” to those navigating the complexities of growing up with a narcissistic mother.
Let us begin….
Recognizing the Signs of “Mommy Wounds”
In adulthood, the scars of parental mental health struggles often manifest in unexpected ways. “Mommy wounds”, often referred to as maternal or mother wounds, are emotional scars resulting from dysfunctional or unhealthy relationships with one’s mother, particularly when the mother exhibits narcissistic traits or behaviors. Mommy wounds often stem from a lack of emotional attunement, validation, or support from the mother figure during childhood, leading to deep-seated emotional pain and unresolved trauma that affects one’s sense of self and interpersonal interactions throughout life.
In adulthood, the scars of parental mental health struggles often manifest in unexpected ways. It might be the perpetual need for validation, stemming from a childhood where love felt conditional and fleeting. Or perhaps it’s the struggle to form healthy boundaries, a legacy of growing up in an environment where emotional boundaries were blurred or non-existent. For some, it’s the constant battle with self-doubt, fueled by years of gaslighting and manipulation. As an adult, you may have wondered about the lingering impact of your upbringing, particularly your relationship with your mother.
Perhaps you’ve noticed patterns in your behavior or emotional reactions that seem rooted in childhood experiences. You might have questioned why certain interactions with your mother still trigger strong emotional responses or why you struggle to establish healthy boundaries in relationships. These reflections may have led you to explore the concept of “mommy wounds” and how they continue to shape your life as an adult.
It is critical to recognize the signs of these wounds is the first step towards healing and reclaiming control over your life.
Here are some common signs of “mommy wounds” that often resurface in adulthood:
- Constant need for validation (sometimes from anyone or anything willing to listen)
- Struggles forming close relationships due to childhood emotional insecurity
- Persistent feelings of inadequacy from lack of maternal support
- Seeking external validation to compensate for childhood validation deficits
- Difficulty setting boundaries, stemming from blurred maternal boundaries
- Pursuing perfectionism to gain attention or validation
- Fear of rejection or abandonment due to inconsistent maternal behavior
- Trouble expressing emotions due to past dismissal or invalidation
- Lingering anger or resentment towards the mother for unmet needs or traumas
Healing Your “Mommy Wound”
So… how do I heal from this? It may seem impossible but there is hope my friend! Coping with mommy wounds begins with letting go of what no longer serves us. It means releasing the weight of expectations, the burden of guilt, and the shackles of past trauma. It’s about reclaiming our power, our voice, and our agency, and stepping into the fullness of who we are unapologetically. Even in doubt, you have the power to change the “toxic” narrative, reclaiming your life and start living unapologetically.
One of my favorite lines from my book, Today, I Love Me: A Self-Help Guide to Living Unapologetically by Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You is “I Love You, But I LOVE Me More!”
This powerful affirmation encapsulates the essence of healing mommy wounds, reminding us of that self-love and self-prioritization are essential components of our journey towards inner peace and emotional well-being. It is perfectly ok to choose you if you have been wronged, as honoring oneself is the cornerstone of healing and self-discovery.
Embracing this truth empowers us to reclaim our sense of worth and rewrite our own narrative, freeing ourselves from the chains of past hurts and embracing the transformative power of self-love.
If you are having difficult healing your inner mother wound, my eBook is a great guide to help you start to reparent your inner child! Be sure to click the link below to purchase my eBook! Also available in audiobook version as well!
Coping with mommy wounds is a journey fraught with challenges, but it is also a journey of resilience, growth, and self-discovery. By letting go of what no longer serves us and embracing our truth unapologetically, we can find healing, empowerment, and the freedom to live life on our own terms.
I hope this exploration into healing the inner child and addressing mommy wounds has provided you with insight, clarity, and a sense of empowerment. As you navigate your journey of self-discovery and healing, remember that you are not alone.
You have the strength within you to overcome past hurts, to rewrite your story, and to embrace a future filled with love, joy, and authenticity. By honoring your inner child, setting boundaries, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion, you can pave the way for profound healing and transformation. May you continue to nurture and cherish your inner child, allowing them to guide you towards a life of fulfillment, resilience, and unapologetic self-love.
Until next time, stay well and take care…
Zelina Chinwoh, MSW, LCSW
For more related content like this, be sure to listen to “The Dear Unapologetically Me” podcast on Apple or Spotify. Also, check out The Healing Experience Now Website with all exclusive content and our YouTube page at The Healing Experience Now.
Disclaimer: This article is intended for educational purposes only. The information provided is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional with any questions you may have regarding your mental health or well-being.
