10 Telltale Signs You’re a “People Pleaser”

So… What is People Pleasing?

People-pleasing, while often seen as a positive trait, can actually be detrimental to our mental and emotional well-being. Often defined as constantly seeking approval from others which is often leads to anxiety, stress, and even resentment. We become so focused on making others happy that we forget to prioritize our own needs and desires.

From a psychodynamic perspective, people-pleasing behavior often originates from early childhood experiences and relational dynamics. It may stem from a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment, rooted in unresolved emotional wounds from the past. For example, a child who grew up in an environment where their needs were consistently invalidated or dismissed may develop a subconscious belief that their worthiness is dependent on meeting the needs of others.

This pattern not only erodes our sense of self-worth but also perpetuates a cycle of seeking validation from external sources. As a result, they learn to prioritize external validation as a means of securing love and acceptance. This pattern becomes ingrained over time, shaping their adult relationships and behaviors. Without addressing the underlying emotional wounds and subconscious beliefs driving the people-pleasing tendencies, individuals may find themselves stuck in a cycle of seeking approval and validation from others, at the expense of their own well-being.

So, Are You A “People Pleaser?”

You might be engaging in people-pleasing behavior without even realizing it. Here are some common signs that someone may be engaging in people-pleasing behavior:

1. Difficulty Saying No: People-pleasers often find it challenging to decline requests or say no to others, even when it inconveniences them or goes against their own desires.
2. Fear of Conflict: They avoid confrontation at all costs and may go to great lengths to keep the peace, even if it means suppressing their own feelings or needs.
3. Constant Apologizing: People-pleasers tend to apologize excessively, even for minor things, as they fear upsetting or disappointing others.
4. Overcommitment: They frequently overextend themselves by taking on more tasks or responsibilities than they can handle, often at the expense of their own well-being.
5. Seeking Validation: People-pleasers rely heavily on external validation and approval from others to feel worthy or accepted, often sacrificing their own authenticity in the process.
6. Ignoring Personal Boundaries: They have difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries, allowing others to take advantage of their kindness or generosity.
7. Putting Others First: People-pleasers prioritize the needs and desires of others above their own, often neglecting their own self-care or happiness in the process.
8. Feeling Resentful: Despite their outward agreeableness, people-pleasers may harbor feelings of resentment towards others for taking advantage of their accommodating nature.
9. Difficulty Expressing Opinions: They may suppress their own opinions or beliefs in favor of agreeing with others, fearing rejection or disapproval if they were to express their true thoughts.
10. Low Self-Esteem: Underneath their people-pleasing behavior, many individuals struggle with low self-esteem and a fear of not being liked or accepted for who they truly are.

Recognizing these signs is the first step towards breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing and cultivating healthier, more authentic relationships with others and oneself.

If you have found yourself struggling to break free from this vicious thought cycle, this book in which I have written focuses on the importance of “choosing you first” and helping you break this never-ending toxic pattern “Today, I Love Me: A Self-Help Guide to Living Unapologetically by Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You” 

Start your journey of self-re-discovery today! 

To Thy Self, Always Be True

Authenticity is the antidote to people-pleasing. When we embrace our true selves and honor our own needs and values, we no longer feel the need to seek approval from others. Instead, we cultivate genuine connections based on mutual respect and understanding. In a world that constantly demands our attention and validation, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are and what we truly want. But by breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing and embracing our authenticity, we can live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. So, the next time you feel the urge to say “yes” when you really mean “no,” remember that your happiness is worth standing up for.